Her screams..

Her screams fill my head, especially when I close my eyes. When I witnesses that video of the 13 yr old special needs girl being raped it was all I could do to hold back my emotions. It call came back to me in a rush. I was attacked at my home 6 months ago. My home was broken into while I was asleep I was tied up, my head wrapped and then I was raped while my children slept in the next room. This is still very fresh in my mind and sometimes I wish that the assailant did kill me like he promised too so that I wouldn’t have to live to feel what I’m feeling. Don’t get me wrong I’m grateful to be alive but when I hear how people are treating with this incident so lightly as though its no big deal. I feel to scream at them and say yes its a big deal! A huge deal! She was raped! She will never forget it and now there’s a video that the world has seen of her horrible ordeal. Don’t we understand that every time we view th e video we rape that child all over again. Doesn’t Mr. Alleyne Know that? Every time I had to repeat my story, to the police, my family, to my therapists it got harder and harder. I understand its called re-victimization, so if Mr. Alleyne believed what he did was right he must be a qualified therapists to deal with sexual abuse survivors and special needs ones at that.

Its been almost two weeks since the airing of that video and I’m back to using sleeping pills because every time I try to sleep I hear her voice in my head begging him to come off and then I feel someone over me and I cry remembering my ordeal. I wake up with cold sweats. I’m a single mom with children and this whole situation is just too much. Just seeing the way the public reacts so flippantly to the crime of rape, I know in my heart that no one must know my secret and now more than ever I choose to remain silent and suffer quietly because if I get that re-action to me I will surely lose what little sanity I have left and then what would happen to my kids? Who would protect them?

Crying Heart