Your Money

I still remember those nights
Sleeping with my knees locked tight
The lascivious looks you gave me
Are burned into my psyche
And Mom was either oblivious
Or she didn’t give a fuck about us
Once she got your money
Everything was as it should be

When I should have been having sweet dreams
I was too busy muffling screams
It didn’t matter if the door was locked tight
In you came, in the deep of the night
You fought, you took, you plundered
And left my soul asunder
Weren’t you supposed to protect me?
My bad, I forgot I’m not blood family
Since I don’t share your name
You do so without shame
As for Mom? She was deaf to my pleas
Once she got your money.

I felt like I couldn’t say no
Because I had nowhere else to go
You took advantage of my vulnerability
And stripped the innocence of a teenaged me
While Mom continued to be deaf, dumb and blind
Your money, to her, absolved you of all crime
Such was my life, such was my plight
Until the day I took my flight.

It’s now ten years to the day,
I took what I could and ran away.
Slowly started to rebuild my life,
And even became a mother and wife.
As I hold my girl child safely in my arms,
I vow silently to never let her come to harm.
To never allow myself to reach to that level,
Where for money I can succumb to the wiles of the devil.
The scars of my past pales to the hope of today,
A reality where your money has no bearing or say.

J Anon

The “16 Stories” series – exploring experiences of violence and discrimination against women and girls in commemoration of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence.